The Life of a Cranberry

All my life, I was told what happiness is.

That happiness is financial success.

That happiness is not Art, but Engineering or something in the Medical field.

That happiness is having boyfriends later in my life, preferably when I’m too old to even have kids.

You know what are the things I regret most in life?

That I don’t know how to dance.

That I wasn’t able to take music lessons and cannot play any fucking instrument.

That for my age and for a person given with a talent to draw, I missed my early chances of improving myself.

You know why?

Because my family PROHIBITED me to.

We had the money.

I had friends who can teach me.

But they always said it was a waste of time and money.

That I wouldn’t be able to learn anyways because I have the blood of my very untalented father.

Aside from that, I had moved on every single blunder that I have done in my life.

But these things that my family didn’t let me take a chance at?

Until now, it hurts the fuck out of me.

Until now, I kept wishing that I just walked out that door and did everything I wanted to do.

You know why your lives are so fucking messed up?

It’s because you’re living by the standards of somebody’s happiness.

I am stupid in my own way.

And I will use that to reject all your self-proclaimed wisdom-shit and attain MY happiness.

I am done gratifying all the gaps you failed to fill in your life.

STOP lecturing me about happiness.

My happiness is not all about making you guys happy.

You guys are not going to make me fucking regret another thing ever again.

From here on, I’m going to do what I want to do.

If I fail, at least I am not going to grow old like you regretting that they never tried.

Because I am going to try.

If I fail, I will learn my lesson.

And that lesson is not for you to teach.

But I am not going to fail.

That is the point.

So that I can all slap the truth in your faces and say that you were all so wrong about me.

Just because you’re unhappy now doesn’t mean you can channel your frustrations on me.

Oh no.

I’m different from you.

I know when I am happy and I know when I’m not.

You don’t.

For god’s sake, you don’t even know me at all.

What you know is my failures.

That’s all you guys look at.

By my standards, I have not failed as much as you think I did.

Except for those parts that you didn’t even let me take a shot.

By your standards, I have already failed hard.

But I don’t care about your fucking standards.

And you know what?

All this talkshit about how to live my life is just encouraging me even more to rebel.

So that I can show you that I am way more happier doing what I want to do than following orders.

Stop grilling me about my mistakes.

Stop grilling me about these goddamn mistakes that I HAVEN’T DONE YET.

I don’t do that to you guys.

I don’t keep on bugging you that you ruined your life over this and that.

That until now, you are all fucking nothing because you are all not smart enough to fucking focus on your damned lives.

Instead, you probably spent those moments listening to another broken soul how to live your lives.

And now, is it your turn to preach?

And am I the current test subject?

No.

You are not doing it to me this time.

This time, I’m going to make sure I’m living MY life.

And you cannot fucking stop me.

So for the sake of studying John Keats, the class voted to see Bright Star instead of reading more poems which we don’t have the energy to analyze anyways.

It only took five minutes for me to get pissed off at the world.
WHY?

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

SPOILERS ALERT.

_{To help John Keats recover from tuberculosis, he was advised to spend his winter in Italy where the weather is not as harsh.
The night before he leaves, he laid down the bed with his one-and-only-love Fanny.
Fanny gave him the “go” but he refused to “take” it.
He felt that it would be inconsiderate of him to do it with her and then leave and leave without an assurance that he’s going to be back.
He died.
She bawled.}

So what’s the issue here again?
I, myself, is in love.
And you have probably heard this so many times than you can bear.

Same here.

But I can assure you that I am not just a teenage girl who mistakenly calls infatuation and stupidty “love”.
I cried for boys.
I got cheated on.
I lost loved ones.
I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about.
And I know for a fact that breaking up with someone that I loved is one of those moments in my life that made me feel so worthless and lifeless.

_{I can’t even bear being separated from Valkiair for more than five days.
I honestly wouldn’t know what I’m going to do if I lose him.}

And the people in my class?
They same the same exact fucking things.

But when we watched the movie, they called every single love scene “stupid”.
What makes them expect that it’s not going to be cheesy when it’s that kind of romance movie to begin with?

When they laid down the bed to say goodbye, all they were waiting for was the sex.
Is that what relationships are all about?

I have nothing against sex but really.
So true affection is stupid and sex makes more sense?
WHERE THE HELL IS THEIR BRAINS AGAIN?!

Oh right.
They’re not called dickheads for no reason.
And I’m not even just referring to the guys only.
Girls, you can be dickheads too.

These are people who enters class, tells everyone that they got asked to fucking prom in the sweetest way possible and that someday they will marry the person they’re with and have a nice little home in fucking Malibu.

But there they are.
They sit laughing at poor Fanny bawling over Keats.
They said she looked funny and ridiculous.

You know who looks funny and ridiculous?
Their assfaces.

And here’s worse.
To mourn, she decided to chop her hair off.
The girls in the class roared in protest.

Really now.
Her pain didn’t matter but her hair did.

I sincerely wish that all these people go bald and experience real pain.
Maybe they’ll understand how it hurts and how looks is the last thing to worry about when it does.

These kids need to put their pants back on, get up their fuckbeds and see the world.
Experience true love.
Or something…close…to it at least.

First of all, Chris Hemsworth is in this movie.
You know Thor? EXACTLY.

Valkiair and I became big fans of Hemsworth because of Thor so it initially motivated us to consider watching this movie when we saw he was in it.

We had to somehow fumble around for some sort of information on this movie because we’re not really good with horror stuff.
We’re really into the gore and all _{and in fact, I’m in-love with those sorts of things} but we can’t handle the creepy kind of stuff.
Our imaginations are too strong for us to handle.

But anyways, the reviews did not mention anything about this movie being a dungpile so we decided to go anyways.

Guess what we gave it?

Yes.

Best movie I’ve seen so far.

_{Take note of the “so far”. I am fully aware that Avengers is going to come out soon.
Although you can’t really compare two different genres with one another.}

Personally, I think that the story is uncommon.
The movie is a satire so well-executed that I couldn’t ask for anything else.
It was so unexpectedly amazingly entertaining and the graphics are not bad either.
I LOVED IT. VALKIAIR LOVED IT.

And really?
Chris Hemsworth and Fran Kranz?
Seriously. Who am I to demand for more?

Ok, since Valkiair decked out $100 for his Roxio GameCapture, we were left almost penniless the next day.
But it’s “Wrath of the Titans” day and we have absolutely no plans of missing this one.
It was somehow a gamble, considering that it’s the last expense that Valkiair can probably afford.

Normally, there wouldn’t be any bad thing about this, considering that we’re just together during the weekends anyways and Sundays are usually not a long day for us so I don’t really have to worry….
Except for the fact that spring break has only started.
That means that for the entire week, I’d have to wear the pants and pay for everything in the meantime.

But hey, don’t get me wrong.
Paying for him is not the problem.
I don’t really mind.
_{See, we’re kind of in that “married” relationship where we share everything. Some couples out there might think that it’s inappropriate to have a girl pay, but really. It’s no big deal. Well, unless it happens ALL the time.}

It’s just that I’m sort of hoping I can lessen down my expenses by making him pay all the time because Animé Expo is coming up and we haven’t saved a penny yet.
But I guess, I’d have to save the saving later. /sigh

Anyways, let’s talk about the movie.
It might just be us for having huge expectations for it, but we were disappointed. The story is too typical, the acting wasn’t that good either and I’m not even sure if I did see a thing because half of the whole movie are scenes in pitch black darkness.

But whatever.
The graphics made up for it.
It was stunning but that was pretty much the entire movie right there.
Computer-generated graphics.
But then again, I don’t think we can get real minotaurs either so…meh.

Verdict?

_{I was going to post this on Facebook but the damn thing wouldn’t allow me to post anything.
No pictures.
No posts
WTF.}

Anyways, a friend tagged me to one of her “Notes” on Facebook.
I pretty much agreed with her for the most part…but this one thing pulled my attention really hard.

Gay marriage

So…Obama approved gay marriage. Millions of people are disgusted, and millions of gays are overjoyed. *sigh* I’m going to be slapped here too.

Mainstream: It’s a sin against God to be homosexual. They’re abominations to society. Period.

Underground: The Mainstream view focuses on the first type of gays: fags. You know, the ones who openly cross dress, speak their words with a certain accent, and…well, be downright too female/male. Have you seen the real gay people? The ones who dress and act their gender, but prefer the same gender in their bed as well? 

And by the way. Why does it irk people SO much on why a guy wants a dick up his butt? Mainly, my opinion here is a neutral stance. I don’t really care if it’s legalized or not. Just…be quiet about your homosexuality. You have free will, anyway. Use that to keep quiet.

Soooo…my thoughts, although she’s prolly not interested about what I have to say:

I was about to say that she should “preach” until she said something about a guy wanting a dick up his butt.
I know for a fact that relationships do not stop at teddy bears, French kisses and naked pictures but please.

Do consider that these people feel strongly about their sexuality not because they want a dick shoved somewhere.
Cliché and cheesy as it is, but these people love.
And that’s why they want to get married.

If sex was the only thing they wanted, this whole gay marriage thing wouldn’t even have been this big.

 Seriously and personally, if sex was the only interest, I rather spend my life fucking some girl who’s interested in my navy blue strap-on than protest everyday on the streets just so she can attach my last name with hers.

Marriage is a huge commitment.
It’s not something that one decides on doing just for the sake of having some hole to stick his dick into once he gets home.

I stand a neutral stance too. And by not caring, I mean, they can do whatever the fuck they want. If anal sex is their thing, then they can go ahead and pound away. If not, then good for them.

People are irked by this idea because of the fact that that’s their argument:

THEY ARE GONNA FORCE THAT PENIS SOMEWHERE IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AND THAT’S FUCKING GROSS.

Whatever.
It’s their life.
It’s not your asshole that they’re fucking.
So why care?

And by the way, you’re not letting them use their “free will” if you tell them to keep quiet.
Haha.

Oh. And I’m not hating on her post.
It’s just that…that one line stood up the most.

One Word: Genius.

Ok.
So I have seen The Hunger Games book since it came out but reading the pitch reminded me of Battle Royale by Koushun Takami

and flipping through it gave me a feeling that it might end up like Twilight.

_{To be completely honest, I am not a Twilight fan.
I did read the books.
It made me feel fuzzy and nice inside even.
I just do not agree when fans go all “IT’S THE BEST THING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD” because it’s not.
I’m sorry. But please respect my opinion.
Which brings me to my next topic.}

I do not like hypes.
The fans always ruin it for me.
I know that I shouldn’t let the hype affect my judgment but it does.
So the more the HG books got attention, the less interest I had in them.
When I heard the movie was coming out, my first thought was “Oh please. Please do not possess the public like Twilight did”.

_{There is even a part of me that hoped it wouldn’t get too popular. But of course, that’s pretty selfish, considering the fact that these productions are built around fanbase.}

When the HG trailer was released, the hype even got worse.

But thanks to a Barnes & Noble who sent me a coupon in my e-mail that day, I decided that I can spare $9 for a paperback copy.

So I got it but never got to read it until much later, probably only a month before the movie’s release.

And I liked the book.

I felt a little bit awkward with Katniss’ tsundere attitude but like everything else, I got used to it.

Anyways, I really liked Peeta. His humor is priceless.

However, since the movie was coming out soon, I resisted the temptation from reading too far.
I decided not to finish the book to make room for surprises and I’m glad I did.

Valkiair and I did not regret seeing the movie.

In fact, we were so glad we did not let the hype completely discourage us from it.

It was definitely worth watching.

And we’ll get the books and the DVD even.

Valkiair’s parents asked us to drop by IKEA since we’re going to the mall right beside it anyways so that we can check out some cabinets since I’m taking half of Valkiair’s room space he needs more closet space.

So we did.

And we ended up doing this.

 Most interesting thing?

It’s the same IKEA they shot the movie at.

And then I ended up despairing at the baby section where I found a whole mess of plushies I wanted to get.

But I’m broke and my puppy dog eyes did not work on Valkiair either.

“LOOK AT THAT COUPLE~! THEY’RE GETTING ONE TOO~!” I complained.

“Well, that’s ‘cause that couple’s not broke~!” answered Valkiair.

And I laughed.

He dragged me out of the store and we just ate spam musubi instead.

Having no plans to go anywhere, Valkiair’s parents dragged us to go with them.
We went to his aunt’s place where a mall with a very nice Barnes & Noble branch and a collector’s store is nearby.
Valkiair’s parents used this to “attract” us into going, but we know that the shopping we did last week left us broke until the next month so we completely found the trip completely pointless.

Valkiair and I hate going out when we can’t even spare a dollar.
I mean, it’s easier to NOT buy anything you like because you want to save…or you just want to let it pass…rather than not being able to buy it because you can’t afford it, right?

Yeah. Exactly. It hurts us to pass by our favorite stores knowing there is no way we can buy anything.
So anyways, we arrived at his aunt’s place.
We sluggishly entered and said hi.
Suddenly, a box on the dining table caught my eye.

To my surprise, it was a World of Warcraft Premium Series 4 Moonkin Wildmoon figure~!
_{I’m not really a WoW player but their figures have always amazed me.}

I held it high and showed it to Valkiair, who was out in the patio, who then came running inside the house.
He stopped, worshipped it for a little and assumed that the figure was his cousin’s.
“Aww…man. AJ should see this,” he suggested.
AJ is his WoW-addicted friend.
We then sent this picture to him.

His aunt caught us taking pictures.
Embarrassed, I walked back inside and carefully put it back the table and went back out in the patio.
_{I felt so rude picking up something that wasn’t mine…taking a picture with it like it is mine, even.}

She asked if we knew the character and we both said yes in excitement.

“I got that when I went to DC Studios. Found it around while we were spring cleaning. Thought I’d save it for your birthday but, oh well. Take it now.”

Our jaws dropped.
We couldn’t believe it.
We found ourselves, like kids, rolling back inside to take the box, saying infinite thanks to her.

Hell yeah. Broke for a week?